Monday, March 5, 2012

A Shout Out To the One Night Stands

I feel like we can't talk about Juice Boxes without speaking of the girls who fall for the one night of them being me. I can't say I always did it, but in my youth I didn't know better! I mean how was I supposed to know that the gorgeous man who was totally into me tonight wouldn't want me tomorrow?

One nighters can be at a club on the dance floor, at a party off in the back room, in the name it...I fell for it.

One of them in particular, was a buff and tan tank from Arizona. He came up to visit my friend and immediately we hit it off. He had the body that I craved and I figured I would just keep flirting my way into his heart. Well I must have played my cards right because while looking at the fish in Walmart, he couldn't help but plant one on me. Just a sweet one on my forehead...but after I looked up with my eyes all excited, we kissed. It was so cute and so natural. We soon decided to make a game of it find how many places in Walmart we could kiss without drawing too much attention. The night ended up with me and him hooking up in the back of his truck and as he drove back to Arizona he left me thinking it was love. But after two weeks of waiting for him to return my phone calls I finally gave up...

Some of them I didn't even know their names...what it Chris? Was it Brandon? When they leave the club/party without your phone number and calling you some other girl's name..I get the picture.

One time I was at a party with my friends just trying to meet some new guys when I met this tall gorgeous man. I think his first name started with an E...that's all I really knew. Well he came over and started talking all sweet to me. "Baby" this and "Baby" know it's going to be a one nighter when they don't even bother to learn your first name. Well I thought he was cute so when he invited me on a little nature walk outside I was ready and willing. Not even 5 feet from the house was he already trying to steal a kiss or two. But before giving in to his seductions I made him promise to call me...I don't just give my kisses away to anybody! Please! But to no ones surprise...I never got a call...

So here's to giving into losers...falling for the charm and beautiful dance knowing that they wont ever call but secretly hoping they will...

Monday, February 20, 2012

Night Hiking

Juice box #3 was much more sly than the others.

He was beautiful and blond...he played for the school volleyball VERY athletic. We met in class...sharing notes for the days that we was out traveling with the team. Which by the way...a word about school athletes...they get out of soooo many assignments just for being cool! It is totally not fair. He would blame his late homework on "extended practices." Oh dear... one night I had eaten one too many Oreos to feel comfortable going to sleep. I knew the fat was going to take over my thighs if I didn't get out and do something active. But it was later at night and soon the idea of a night hike excited me. I didn't want to go alone for fear of being raped or attacked by a wild bear..who knew what danger lurked in the woods! So I called up my class partner. I knew he was athletic enough to make it up the mountain and lets face it...I was looking for a little more alone time :). When I called him up, he quickly agreed and I met him at his place and we headed over.

The weather was chilly so I made sure to put on multiple layers. But not too many that it took away from my figure...because you know ladies, fashion and beauty must take precedence when with men. Especially if there is a possibly future with him. Well we get to the mountain and begin the climb.

Five minutes into the brisk walk, he turns to me..."Wait, are we really hiking?" I look at him, confused. "Yes, that's why I called you..." He looked at me and then turned away. Quickly he turned back, "I thought you just wanted to makeout!"

The words hit me like a ton of bricks...really? Where did he get that from? Night hike, I thought so clearly meant NIGHT HIKE! Definitely not, "kiss me now".....

At a loss of words I answered as all infatuated women do, "Well if you want to!"

He smiled and turned around and started walking back down the mountain. How did this happen? I thought to myself. But I couldn't believe that we were actually about to makeout until after getting back to the car. He pulled out a blanket and layed in on the ground overlooking the city. It was gorgeous...and he was why not?!

....3 weeks later it ended....I wonder why!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Juice Box #2

I wish I could say this is the only juice box I fell for. One man was significantly older than me. He worked at the same place that I worked and after many shifts we would enjoy the dangerous thrill of bringing our romantic moments to the employee break room. Yet after each encounter he swore me to secrecy. At first I found this endearing. I thought he was protecting me from the jeers of all our many male coworkers. Yet, I finally let it slip to one of my girlfriend who I swore to secrecy. It spread like wildfire and soon the whole place was talking about it. Little did I know he was secretly hoping his old lover, would one day leave her then boyfriend and choose him, leaving me to fend for myself. She confronted him and he then confronted me. “How could you?!” He screamed. “You ruined everything!” “How is this my fault?” I replied. I couldn’t understand why he was allowed to be mad at me when he was the one treating ME like crap. Soon the whole place was making comments and eventually I quit because of all the negative glares. 

But not before telling this juice box to find another “in-between” girl and to grow up! 

Juice Box #1

Where to start...the juice boxes have been catching my attention for years...but to begin, I will start with one that I will never forget...

I was 17—a freshman in college. Having graduated a year early I was younger than most. Through a friend I met a BEAUTIFUL return missionary. With height and charisma he stole my heart. Well late one night he invited me to go “star gazing.” Not being naïve to his intentions I immediately agreed. I mean who could resist? Well we go to a popular “lookout spot” and the moment we parked he pounced. Leaving me no time to process what was about to happen. Next thing I know he’s almost entirely in my seat and as his hands start to take off my jacket…I panic! I was struggling with how to adjust to the troubling circumstances when all of a sudden he pulls back. “Wait, how old are you again?” he asks. My body, unable to adjust to the changing circumstances struggle with the words…”17,” I reply. But did he already forget that I had told him that just 30 minutes before? He sits back in his seat. I grow nervous. I was perfectly honest with him from the very beginning! “You’re the same age as my younger brother.” He says in a hushed voice. He just keeps sitting there. I rush for some consoling words but can’t seem to find them. I reach for the music, turning it up to distract from the changing mood. “Oh I love this song!” I scream loudly. Hoping to break the deadly silence. He looks over at me in disgust, “You would. It’s from YOUR generation.” I stare straight ahead trying to figure out what to say. Finally I decide the night is only going to get worse. I turn to him and just ask him to take me home. The car ride home is silent and as I finally get back to my apartment he yells as I leave the car, “Call me!” Like I would EVER call him. I turn back and in my anger say, “no…I don’t think so.” And walk back inside with whatever dignity that I have left.

Here's to hoping he felt stupid for a second.

What Is A Juice Box?

So what is a juice box you may's the more conservative word for douche bag, player, man whore, etc. It's the guy we all know to "hit it and quit it."

Now ladies, we all do it...we fall for the bad boys...we can't help ourselves! They walk in dripping with confidence and beauty. How can we possibly say no? They make us feel special. They say and do all the right things to get us where they want us...for the night. Then they leave us...and we just know in our deepest of hearts...they aren't coming back. Then we cry a little, pick ourselves up off the floor, dust off the hate and hurt and go running back for more.

This is a tribute to the juice boxes.

A girl that falls for them time and time again.